A difficult view of a former totalitarian country

I was reading B7 as usual (practising my English, mind you!)and suddenly I realised that probably no one of you my friends never experienced something like a real totalitarian regime. Well, I did. The reality is, of course, different but the principle is the same as B7 universe.
To tell the truth, I really don´t know if I should begin with explaining the historical background - this may be very close to a lesson on history (warning- I am a former history teacher!), or with my personal experiences.
But I believe you will ask if you are interested, so I will try and introduce my life in "Federation".
I was born in a family which was classified as "intelligentsia". This class was accepted only with suspition. The base of the former Czechoslovak Socialist Republic were the classes of workers and farmers and all representatives were recruited from these. My father was an engineer and teacher and my mum was a clerk. Our family were not some prosecuted rebels, we just shared our lives with others. But I can remember I watched childred playing in a kindergarten and wanted to got there (stupid me) but I was not accepted because of my family classification.
My basic school attendance? As other pupils, I have to become a member of a Pioneer Organisation. Only "outcast" children were not there - I didn´t understand then. Every day we had to wear a red Pioneer scarf, if you forgot it, you received a black point in the chart on the wall in a classroom. Everything was collective, everything was based on a "love to the Soviet Union and Communist Party". As a child, I believed EVERYTHING, I thought it was usual. But I have always been a keen reader and my parents were well educated and even though they were careful, I began to see something strange around. Only the USSR? Only the Communist Party? Why are people in the West called "evil Imperialists", why are they evil anyway? Believe me, very confusing. And my parents had to be very careful with me and my big mouth ( I haven´t changed in this).
The older I was, the more difficult to believe all the propaganda. no, there were no suppressants, just the ideology pouring down on you from EVERY place, the media, whatever. No wonder people believed it - and if not, they were silenced. I was born in 1954 and I didn´t see the faked trials with some dissidents who were framed and accussed falsely and some of them executed, but it is true.
I wanted to go to a secondary school - call it "Gymnázium" - an equivalent of your Grammar school. Again, I had to enter to another Communist mass organisation called "the Socialist Union of Youth". This time it was more than transparent for all of us who were thinking of further studies at university!
Can you imagine you couldn´t even listen to the Beatles and watch anything but official films, listen to the official music, read only official literature, learn official facts - I was so lucky to have excellent teachers who were brave enough to teach us at least something based on facts! And it was good to find books which made you think and compare.
Everything, even the fashion, was focused on the USSR. You should have listened all the meetings and speeches - blah, blah, blah!
But in spite of all the official effort in was empossible NOT to see the rest of the world! the problem was a language. Only Russian was officially supported at schoold but I had also English at the secondary school. I also visited the language school and learned English more but not regularly.
I managed too get to university and studied at the Pedagogical Faculty Czech language and literature and History. I became a teacher and began my career at the basic school, then secondary integrated vocational school. Now I want to tell you how I tried to achieve my higher university degree...
I had an excellent teacher at university and he taught me everything including the work with archives materials. We focused on regional history and we published a study together. Unfortunately he was on the "black list" as " politically unreliable". He wwanted me to teach at university with him but to enter even the studies I had to enter the Communist Party. Everyone who wanted to achieve "higher position" HAD to be a member on CP! But for a child from the class of "intelligentsia" it was not easy. Only some "chosen ones" were allowed the membership, the number of educated people in CP was strictly limited - gues why!
So believe me or not, I had been bartered! My plain membership in CP for one representative , who was not able to finish her doctorate. She was given the degree and I became a memeber of CP.Distasteful but very true and quite common. How do you think most of contemporary representatives got their degrees?
So I studied hard but it was obvious I was not welcomed because of my teacher. But we were an excellent team!
Everything ended quite tragically. My teacher died of cancer in his 49, I had all exams but seeing all this distasteful mess around, I decided to quit. I wanted to quit also my membership in CP but it was impossible! So I studied another school and went on teaching at a secondary school. I left my "career" for a family and I do not regret it!
In 1989 there was so called Velvet Revolution and the regime fell. Most of us cancelled our CP membership at once. but again, believe me or not, some people I can remember just turned their coats and you can find them on their old posts...
Please, try too understand that mmost of the members of CP were ordinary people who just were there and didn´t do any harm. But some people use their position to even commit crimes, to destroy other people or their families or friends.
Well, everything was much more complex. I didn´t suffer myself but there were people who were imprisoned, who had to run from the country, who were prosecuted or watched all their lives.
They were definitely some types of people like Servalan or Travis but more like Federation politicians - basilisks and very dangerous ones!