vera_j

Yesterday morning when I walked to the office I found a glove on the road. It's a beige glove with a big ribbon and fake fur fringe - glove for woman. They were not old nor worn out. Someone must have dopped it, maybe she would come back to find the lost glove. I picked up and put it on the neaby fence to prevent it from being run over by a car or stepped on by a passerby, then started walking again. Then after a ten-meter walk I found other glove on the road X( The owner had dropped both of a pair of gloves! I picked the second glove, walked back to the fence to put it with the first one.

I don't like losing something (of course!), whenever I lose or drop something, even a small thing, I feel depressed - not only because of my loss, I feel sorry for those "things" and feel sad. So I hoped the glove woud return to the owner's hands.

The next day, this morning, I again walked to he office on the same way, and found those gloves were still on the very fence. They were wet after the rain during the night. The owner could not find them, or she have not tried to find them. I felt sorry for that abandoned gloves...



Some days ago, Krurun on my futon mattress which I have folded at the end of my room XD

This morinng it's cold! They said the temperature was about 3°C early in the morning. Then there came the sun still the air is very cold. I came to the office, though today I have felt tired and sluggish for hours, could not do my job properly :( I feel like I was getting a cold. I was sitting at my desk but literally just looking at the computer... I was not sleeping but thinking nothing, spacing out. I don't like this, this is just waste of the precious time! I just wanted to go to bed and sleep... X(

My mimosa tree, which I have planted in our backyard some years ago, has overgrown, I have trimmed it several times in the past but it has again grown too much. And it had countless small flower buds - must be beautiful in coming spring. Though we (I and mother, especially my mother) worried its roots would also overgrow and destroy the concrete block wall, I gave up to wait for its bloom and asked the gardener to cut it. I have treasured the tree for years so it's not an easy decision :(



The overgrown mimosa tree next to the block wall.

Yesterday morning the gardener came to cut it. His work was quick and efficient, I enjoyed looking at his work in spite of my regret about the mimosa flowers.



He cut the branches to small pieces to load them onto the small truck. I asked him to leave one branch but it doesn't have flower buds so in the next spring I'll see no mimosa flowers :(



Do you see the stump and small branch grown from its foot? I'm not sure if I could keep the small tree (and it would soon grow!) but I will talk to the gardener how I can do with it. Sometimes I remember the countless small flower buds which would surely bloom wonderfully in Feb - but now never bloom - and feel sad, feel like I have killed beloved small animal...

But, before the gardener came, I cut some twigs from the tree and put them in flower vase. The flower buds are too small and no yellow colour still these twigs are beautiful, I think.

This morning before 5am the nature call woke me up. I went to the toilet, back to my futon bed and slept again - then had a dream. In the dream I was going to leave some office I've visited in unfamiliar town, but there was no local bus nor taxi service going back to the train station. So I decided to walk to the station and asked for directions to the staff of the office. Her answer was quite unclear and useless, though I had my smartphone and iPad in my bag and thought "OK I'll check the way on Google Map". In real life I'm always clumsy about using the IT devices so naturally, in the dream my smartphone didn't work well and I got lost and just wandered around the narrow streets. There's nobody on the streets I could ask the direction, and I even was not sure which station I'd like to go to. I was totally lost and helpless... Then the alarm clock woke me up. Phew!

But, I thought... I feel like I have been always getting lost in my life like this dream. ... do not know the direction, can not understand the situation in which other people seem to feel comfortable, do not know how I can get the information to manage the situation, cannot find the people who would help me...

The reason I often do not know "how" might be that I am careless, and do not have much interest in other people and society. Since my childhood I have spent much time to indulge in fantasies. Now fully matured I don't fantasize much but my interest in other people or in society doesn't increase much XD And to me, who tend to lean on my own fantasy and abstract ideas, my house, my job, and my friends are kind of anchors which fasten me to the real world. With them, I can feel I belong to this world, not a complete outsider.

This year some of my longtime friends have passed away. I miss them - first, for the friendship, but also, for the sake of my own sense of reality...

Today it's mostly fine, and without winds, thankfully it's a comfortable day. I worked at home so could enjoy the quiet beauty of early winter in our garden sometimes. I worked all day, then late in the afternoon went out to get the aromatherapy massage, came home and had supper alone (mother was going out all day), and finished my New Year cards to my Japanese friends. An ordinary, but good day.



In the morning cats were enjoying the sun on the verandah.









Soon these leaves and fruits would be gone, but today, they showed their last beauty in the mild sun...